I don't know what happened.
Why he left,
Why he's gone
You were doing the work
He wasn't
He was overwhelmed and burnt out
But he matured so much since being with me
I saw him change
I watched him grow
but i saw him struggling
i wanted to understand and help
i wanted a change to be a good partner
by fulfilling his needs
but he wouldn't let me in
he just became more distant
and that made me close up
like a rose bud at night
He wasn't being honest with himself
He was holding back
Giving you what he thought he should
instead of how he truly felt
His inner child is still wounded
He doesn't know how to ask for what he needs
He was scared to lose you so he wore a mask
he finds his purpose in helping
and he felt like he was messing up again and again
But I felt so seen
So safe
So loved by him
i love his endearing quirks and flaws
Sweet girl,
He doesn't love himself
But I thought we could heal together
I opened up about all my pain
I cried in his arms
He told me it would be okay
he promised
He was giving you everything he had
But his cup was empty
He put your oxygen mask on first
And didn't believe him deserved his
Sometimes love isn't enough
I feel so stupid for trusting him
For being so messy with emotion
For letting myself be unflattering and unkempt
For being weak and vulnerable
For allowing myself to leave my job
And letting him take care of me
He said he wanted to marry me
I believed him
I'm so proud of you
For trusting love again
For being your authentic self
And taking a gamble on giving away your heart
for allowing someone to care for you
you've neglected your needs for too long
you were burnt out and broken
he gave you a beautiful gift
time to be still
You've been hurt many times
You're not letting that pain turn you cold or bitter
Never shame your beautiful heart for caring
But I thought id be able to talk to him
I thought there would be more time
I wasn't ready to talk that day
I was hurt
I felt abandoned and foolish and thrown away
I didn't mean to end it
He took my words the wrong way
Let his fear make up a story in his head
we promised not to break up over text
I just wanted time like he needed and I gave him
Why don't I deserve time?
why did that moment change his mind?
Forgive yourself
Use this as a lesson to learn
You can make mistakes
You acted in the moment
Based on how you felt
Own those feelings
Don't apologize for them
take accountability for your part
but leave the rest
what did you learn about yourself?
Real love compromises
It bends and sways with the breeze
It gives as much as it takes
I need to stop holding on to the past
it muddies up my present
stop living in a state of fear and scarcity
let go trying to control the things around me
I need to own my feelings
instead of giving others what is easier
stop people pleasing
stop trying to fix other people's problems
i need to not be consumed in my own pain
i need to look closer
But I lost him
He's gone
I hate myself
none of it matters anymore
You have yourself
Pour that love into you
Comfort yourself
Soothe yourself
You cannot control what he does
Or if he'll stay
Stay present within your body
take this new information and carry it forward
But I love him
Then love him
Why does that have to change
Love is unconditional
Hold it within yourself
Be happy for him
Even if it's not you he chooses.
I see signs of him every where
Things that remind me of him...
Of us
And it kills me
He does too
And he hurts just as bad
He leaves every day
He has a new life
I feel like I meant nothing
Like none of it was real
We all grieve in our own way
In our own time
Focus on your own healing
On picking up your pieces
And building yourself back up
He's going to replace me
And ill just be alone
He can never replace you
You were his first love
You made him feel things no one else had
And nothing can ever replicate, that.
Hold on to those memories.
They live inside your heart.
And you can access them whenever you want.
And he can do the same
He might move on and open his heart again
But what you had was unique
It will never be forgotten
What about me?
Take your time
Sit with these emotions
They will come in waves
Soft at times and rocky at others
They will pop up when you least expect it
When you think you're finally sailed past the storm
Time will soften the edges like sea glass in the ocean
Find your joy
Heal your body
Be gentle with yourself
No feeling lasts forever
And feelings are not facts
They shift like the current
Be curious and then let them float down the stream
But I'm finally feeling like myself again
I hate that this happened as I was feeling better
My energy is back
My sex drive is back
We had the whole summer to enjoy
A life to live together
We're still the same people
How can he love me one day and not the next?
Just focus on the present
Don't worry about the future or the past
Stillness brings clarity
What is meant to be, will be
Maybe this isn't the end
Maybe there are more chapters to your story
But only time will tell.
Don't chase him
Allow him space to process and grow
And be supportive of that growth
Even if it means it takes him down another path
I don't know if I can
You can
Just keep breathing
Keep learning
Keep opening up your heart
It will all make sense one day
You are resilient.
You are breaking cycles.
You're looking your shadow in the face
And not flinching
You are learning to forgive yourself for choosing yourself
You are not asking for permission to exist anymore.
You are exactly where you need to be.
How do you know all this?
Because I am you
I'm your higher self
And every day we get closer to being one
Keep growing Tess.
You deserve good things
And the best is yet to come.
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