Starting over is such a foreign concept
And yet it's a worn in pair of jeans
kept in the closet till they fit again.
A bike you haven't rode since high-school
I'm reminded of you every day.
Each time feels like a razor
drag across the flesh
A cigarette burn into the bone
A whip striking the skin of my heart
You say nothing
You leave for your day and stay away
Like you never belonged with us
Sometimes i think I made you up.
I spend hours fantasizing about your return
Throwing rocks on my window
Movie scene style
I open the door
and we burst into savage love making....
Or
You Message that you're finally ready to talk.
And when we do
you tell me that you need more
That what we had wasn't enough anymore
So I hold you
and tell you I'm broken
but ill heal in time and be happy for you....
Or
You walk by while I'm smoking at night
I ask you to join
and we catch up and laugh
Play connections
And feel hopeful about being friends.....
Honestly, any of those options is appealing
Because at least I would know
How you feel
What you want
How to move forward
Then I wouldnt be scared to ground outside
Or walk to my car after lunch
I wouldn't hold my breath
Everytime I pull into the bay
Or flinch at every red car
I wouldn't stay up at night listening
For the sound of the key in the door.
Silence is the most treacherous torture.
If you ever really loved me.
How could you kill me like this?
How can you say nothing
To the woman you said you loved?
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