Answers

 I made the mistake 

Of watching the reels you liked 

Relationship wisdom 

About women demasculating their partners 

And it stung like a baseball bat to the face

I cried and I couldn't breath

Because I realized in that moment

You were blaming me

You don't want me

And you're probably out there telling your friends 

That I was controlling

And demanding

Amd made you feel like you never did anything right 

But it was the flaws I poked at 

That made us perfect

The ying to my yang

And it hurts to know the parts I thought made us stronger

Made you resent us

I loved the way you did things different 

The perspective you owned 

You saw things I couldn't 

And you were enough just trying

The fact that you stay was what mattered  

Maybe having control of mundane household shit 

Was the only thing I felt I had to offer

The only thing I could control

With my health and spirit 

deteriorating, before our eyes

But then I realized you can't take accountability

So you have to blame me

In order for you to walk away

It couldn't be your fault. 

At least I can admit 

We both carry the weight 

Of this love we killed

We took turns smothering her 

And stoning her  

We both bet on our downfall

And we both sit in our sadness puddles 

Holding our regret and shame

I never wanted you to be a lesson 

I wanted you to be my safe space

My trapeze net

My parachute

I love you enough to hold your hand in the fire

While we find our way through the smoke