Forgiveness

Somewhere there was a moment

when I lost myself in this 

when I fell into your warmth 

and died 

a narcissist will let you starve 

will close his eyes 

on your cries 

He paces around the graves of my mistakes

and kicks up the dirt 

there’s always fingerprints 

on the photograph 

it just depends on 

how close you look. 

Written October 21st 2019

Commute

your words teeter 

Like an old scarecrow 

And I am the bird 

That blows you down 

But I never leave you 

I watch you ruin those crops

I hold you in my hands

And you rip out my guts 

I starve for you

The ground is dead

My heart goes unfed

I give and yet I lose

And you leave 

Like you still have a job to do. 

Written sept 25th 2019 

Death row

You’re my flame

I seek you out, 

open my arms and dive in

And you kill me 

over and over again 

but I’m only a moth

And you won’t go 

to death row 

for only killing a moth

Blue reduction/white witch

I've been boiled down to a broth 

A sadness juice 

A blue reduction

You're just a name on a screen 

An instant flash

With no course correction 

No shutter control 

I want to be on your lap

In your heart

But you slap me away

Like a fly on a colt 

Like a spark with no jolt 

I want to be more than my body. 

I want to more than a whore. 

I want to be seen as I am standing still 

A white witch in the flames 

Professing her love 

Spilling her guts 

And not mopping it up. 

Not begging for forgiveness 

for bleeding. 

Baptize.... I want it that way

I wonder if he tells her he loves her

Does it roll off his tongue

And dance towards her 

Best tits in that gym 

Does his facial hair tickle her

Has he seen her in scarlet

Has he been born again? 

April 22nd 2019

I never learn

Sometimes if you say it

You make it happen

Put it in motion 

Sometimes if you love it 

You kill it 

Just learn your fucking lesson

Happy New Years

Made to feel like a child

At a cafe

On a Wednesday 

Happy new year to me

Everything I’ve lost

Summed up in one dish

What’s left ,

put in a box

Reheat, repeat 

I fantasize about driving off the road 

in a graceful swoop

A ballerina crash

Can you curtsy with a concussion

An encore whore

With her tutu in flames 

I only wanted to be happy 

Instead I get a hundred fleeting moments

Straws and tar in a syringe

You laugh at my trembling lips asking 

You lie like a dog

Eyes to the ground

And you call me pathetic

I hope you can live with yourself....he says 

That was always the plan. 

You were simply a detour 

A fork in the road 

A roadside toilet 

A dash in and dart out 

You were never it for me. 

Written January 13th 2019

No words

If I could go back 

I would hold your hand in public

I wouldn’t care what people think 

My mouth would crash into yours

Like a tidal wave 

Like a wild fire 

I would love you to death 

If I could go back 

I would wait with a smile on my face 

I would linger in those moments 

I would save your pies and put them on display

They were to perfect to eat anyway 

We would make love in the morning 

I wouldn’t overthink 

I would be yours 

And you would be mine 

If I could only just go back 

To our time 

Written January 2019