Tegaru

I chose you as a child

But as I grew into a woman,

I rebelled

My mother taught me

How to stir the pot

How to cut with words

How to turn it off

Sometimes it takes losing 

To win perspective 

Sometimes it takes losing

To discover your powers

My love has been elusive 

Wearing an invisibility cloak 

But please don't ever believe my heat

My vulture screech 

My desperatation dance

Because it always echoes back

It always chooses you

A child at heart

A lemon meringue pie

Awkward and love struck

Camera anchored at the neck

Chasing you 

With no luck 

Written August 18th 2016

Retraction/miscommunication

I wonder if you read these poems

if you see

if you know 

I'm told,

"you're strong"

settle down

sleep it off 

wait it out 

wash it down 

BUT

can you not see

the immense hatred 

I hold for me?

meet me in a hotel 

fuck me satisfied 

and kill me with your hands 

and bury me in sand 

I cannot feel a thing 

but I wear your bracelet 

and your ring 

and if we should meet again 

I will hold my truth 

and I will gift it to you 

you said you wanted to know me 

Do you still?

here I am love,

here I am

broken and little 

missing my friend.....

Written August 11th 2016

Settle down (911)

I walk with a sadness slump 

but when I see your ghost,

my head snaps up 

it's never you

just a dumpster 

just a church 

just an empty restaurant booth

I had accepted from an early age,

that I would one day 

take my own life 

I gave birth to this end 

and it grew strong with my milk 

but I may have created a monster 

I cannot control

Like a canoe in a waterfall 

maybe you were right after all 

maybe no one will love me 

this is a 911 call

Written August 11th 2016

Purpose

Salt on the wound 

that's what you do 

a twist of the guts 

like a hook in a fish 

you're too scared to break the surface 

so you drowned 

In that shit. 

Written July 2016

Word vomit

I am a ghost 

A Shell on wheels 

I walk through walls 

my heart is steel 

I feel no pity for you 

my dear 

and there is no place for me 

not here 

I move in circles

I am the headlight 

not the deer 

I can't see the stars 

all I see is black 

at night 

A tunnel with no light 

I pace in fear 

a grave dug just for me 

it's a trust game 

just turn around and fall back

I can't be that woman

I am this 

not that

Written 2016

Found object/sadness statue

Sometimes I feel like a storm 

isolated and cold 

yet oddly warm

Like I'm going to explode 

like I need a hand to hold 

a body to weigh me down 

Lying facedown on the boulevard 

like a corpse 

ants crawling up my legs 

but I don't dare move 

my sadness stills me 

I am a statue of melancholy 

An artwork of misery 

someone needs to bury me 

I can make a wall very pretty 

I can make a man very happy 

I could 

I could 

I could

Written July 2016