42 (I want to feel wanted!)

 

Am I going crazy?

Yesterday I lived with him.

Today I don’t. 

Thought I’d be smart

And I’d stand firm on the rug.

So it couldn’t be pulled out from

under me…

Every Saturday night 

it falls apart

And putting it back 

is becoming less and less fun

It’s hard to play house

 

When you never stay

 

You should be throwing rocks

 

At my window

 

And not let our love decay.

I barely uttered 

seven stupid words

 

In a sobbing panic attack.

 

And he runs

I went from the king 

of grand gestures

To the numbest man on earth. 

 

Something’s gotta give. 

Written October 29th 2022

Dead dinosaurs

It feels so helpless….

Not knowing you 

There used to be proof of our existence 

Everywhere 

You Need to be an archeologist now. 

Dig up a relict 

Dust off the love 

Stick it in the museum 

With all the other extinct things. 

Written Oct 20th 2022

My personal Wuthering heights

The shadow in the corner

Looks like a plague doctor 

Just adds to the gloom

It’s a mourning Saturday 

But October is my hell 

It amplifies your absence 

How could we have been so happy

For it to have ended like this 

I’ve come full circle

Coaxing death in your arms 

Like a child slipping into a coma 

You rocked me back to life 

Only to leave me 

In this abyss where I cannot find you 

Written October 1st 2022

Our demons

“I’m your friend” he whispers 

As he sets a fire in my home 

And I shouldn’t be surprised 

that you don’t thank me 

For stomping it out. 

But I am  

We both need to learn new tricks 

Before our demons have us beat. 

Mid August 2022

My version

 In my version 

you never did drugs 

not even once 

in my version 

you showed me your mess 

you break down and confess 

I don’t drink my Dom like a sob in my room 

no kill Bill morning after 

skip the dishes coffee disaster 

no first heartbreak 

no lies 

no almost crashing my car 

Into a snowbank 

on the first drive home alone 

in my version 

we stay happy 

you let yourself feel loved 

we heal our inner children 

we find ourselves in one 

viva forever (I promise I won’t tell) 

in my version 

we’re still together 

even now 

as you read this

my hand on your chest 

a beat within a beat 

tie dye floor bed 

in my version 

you choose my love 

You choose me

you stay every time….. Mic drop. 

I’d rather be high

Nothing lasts 

savor the taste 

the tip of your tongue 

dulls overtime

but I can be selfish 

I search for forever 

the limbo that does not exist 

I am sulking like a child 

Sticky hands on the window

wearing your boots

waiting for you 

to come home 

silly girl 

he’s not lost……he’s high. 

Written Oct 30th 2021

LOL my response to him after that Facebook message

 Jokes on you 

I left your knife in my back 

I walk proudly with my scars 

And I don’t look back at the trail of blood 

I leave behind. 

Can you say the same? 

Written January 11th 2022