I don’t know

I move to maintain my sanity

My heart doesn’t like profanity 

But it spews them when you stand in front of me 

I was right, I was right, 

I was right 

And all of this time you looked down on me

simply asking honestly for a key

To unlock the bars you represented to me 

I am free, I am free 

I am free 

And yet I lie in bed at night 

And write

About you 

About us

About this 

I want to be known and loved genuinely

I want to be conquered and climbed like a tree 

I want to allow all the good things to be

What I deserve

I deserve

I deserve 

Written dec 11th 2017 

One good song

I won’t leave a note

I would never give you that. 

Satisfaction 

I don’t even like the stones 

Just paint it black

You’ll never know my last words 

I’ll take them with me

A suitcase of nouns and metaphors 

A duffle bag of letters 

Mostly vowels 

I will clutch my sentences 

Like a new born baby

I will let them hold me 

Against the floor

Drag me under the waves

I will die with my reasons 

I will never let you know. 

I will never let you in. 

Written October 20th 2017 

One year of hell (let's talk in the basement)

I am the sting 

The sun burn brings

On the delicate 

small of your back 

I am the silence 

After a forest fire

The terror after a break 

The sore spot

When your heart 

Stops

I am pathetic 

I am a mess

I am a raped dress

No more

No less 

And to think

I walked around 

looking for an anniversary card,

While you tested and gutted 

and hung me out to dry. 

This day,

A celebration of sad tragic love, 

is the day I choose to let it die. 

It's been a year in the making. 

But let's talk in the basement 

October 17th 2017

air plane battles

Some lambs are born

to be slaughtered

a garish on a silver plate

I serve my purpose

I bleed when I need

bad boys never take me home

I know a dog can bite

I know to always have a bone

You should have murdered me

like the one before

You should have been stronger

Now I waste my time

I dilute

I pollute

I smother my lover

I'm just too fucking nice

and there's no changing that.

May 23rd 2017

September obituary

Am I a ghost yet?

Check for my children

Tucked in their beds

Do you see their sweet heads

Can you hear them dreaming?

A mother always 

stays earthbound 

At least for this night 

This well done summer eve

The yolk sits still on this plate 

The wolves have found me 

Yet I am not scared 

I long to feel.

Their teeth cannot compare to

your nonchalant words 

Your dead love

Your waiting game

September sounds like a nice time

To die 

Written September 9th 2017

I was right

I wore your words
that summer 

like a delicate paper dress

I caressed them smooth with my hands

ironed them flat against my chest 

I danced in the rain 

let the letters crash land upon my wet tongue, 

slide down my throat and make a home 

in my heart. 

Such safe words. 

Like puppies fresh from the oven. 

I trusted. 

And it must have been

quite a surprise,

Don't you think, 

When I realized those words 

were nothing but ink,

On a sheet,

On a screen,

In the past,

From a dream

And this whole time I 

was dancing to a fool drum beat

And tripping on lies 

with my bare feet. 

Words that were once so heavy. 

Now don't make a sound 

They blow away

They never stay. 

It's okay....

He never really meant them anyway. 

Written April 16th 2017