Be a mirror/Sylvia

Be good

Be sweet 

But don't you dare 

tell the truths 

others can't face

Be smart

clench your teeth 

and push push, push, 

but don't you dare believe 

you're wise

Master something 

but never change your mind

What you pick 

is what you stick with 

your whole life

Be the captain 

and steer the ship 

but never make your mother 

feel inadequate

Let her moods 

her energy, 

her world 

run the show

Stay in the shadows

quiet like a mouse 

collecting the tears

She leaves in a row

Be true to yourself

But don't you dare be messy

showing signs of pain

gets you labeled 

crazy crazy crazy

Be a girl

be a woman

but never be all you need

Follow the path forged by the past

Youre not permitted to leave 

this blood line 

This envious maternal coven 

No man will ever love you Sylvia

you'll end up with 

Your head in the oven

Smarty pants

 I can't recall a compliment 

From my mother 

Not a single one 

And that realization 

May be the biggest 

Heart break of my life 

No wonder 

I never think im good enough

I was starved from the beginning 

Good thing my roots are tough 

My branches gracefully 

Reach for your hand 

You may have shot me down 

But I danced my way to the ground 

Like a dying leaf at the end of the line 

A ballerina with no desire 

To perform for your applause 

To wear your heavy crown 

Brer Rabbit (my alien abduction)

Little me spilt the beans  

Showed me the truth

While I sat with her 

I hope he plays the guitar 

Like my dad 

But hes patient and gentle 

And has a cool car

 like my father 

I hope my body can learn to trust 

And open up like a flower 

I hope the shame he left me with 

Can be dropped like a shawl 

Lost on a walk 

Or forgotten on the seat for the cab driver.

No more replacing all I left behind 

Time for new people 

New feelings 

Real desire 

Im not in that room with the carpet 

Im.not waiting for the shadow at the door 

But I do still look for the tar baby 

And ill keep my cassette player 

Just for that 

Playtime

 

Ive always put my eggs in one basket 

And watched in horror as they break 

Handed you my everything at once 

A committed fool 

A desperate dolly

But all or nothing can be 

hollow and lonely 

I need to learn to live in slices 

A piece of each part of myself 

A dedicated cut 

Friends that float like ghosts in sheets 

Here when they need solace 

But disappear during my darkness nights 

The battles I've faced with no one 

The tears that fell through the void 

I chase my sister as she vanishes in the mist 

And I hold out my hand 

But grasps only air

Only mud 

Sisterhood is a mystery that invades me 

How to share and take and love 

How to be vulnerable

On a one way street 

How to trust if someone offers 

When my thumb out 

skirt hiked up 

Can make someone turn

And look my way.

444 (who knew)

 Who knew

A kiss thru the car window 

Could start the bad boy addiction 

Watering myself down 

So the fires i start 

dont burn 

me to the ground 

Its tragic to fear your own power 

To the point of self sacrifice

But these ashes aren't heavy 

They move with grace 

And clear up space

With a soft blow 

Like the memory of your mouth 

Being held as I fell 

And it's true you live rent free in my head 

But its the least I can do 

Its the candle light vigil 

That brings the lost souls home 

Its the seance that insures

You stay with me forever 

Paused perfection

I can't help 

But picture it 

Our perfection 

Like a secret only we knew 

Your beautiful grin

My ski slope nose 

The sounds we made 

When we were fully engaged 

In bloom 

Ripe in season 

My love for you

Pours from my pores 

And fills a clawfoot bathtub 

Can I trade for one more moment 

One more moment 

Of feeling like yours 

I never stopped believing 

You'd find your way back 

My hand is still stretched back 

Looking for yours

Black out

 We both know how this ends 

As hard as we try

The detective in me 

always clocks back in 

Following the clues 

The hints that scream 

Im in this alone 

This blackout maze that I feel my way through 

Believing you're right behind me

Or right in front of my face

A reach back away 

Finger tips grazing 

Just out of grasp

A room full of potential

Only I didn't see 

instead of ours 

It was always me

A Phoenix standing tall 

Wearing rose colored glasses 

Walking home in solitude 

One foot in front of the other 

Telling herself one day she's won't look back 

One day she won't be 

A pillar of salt

Worst (walk away)

 It's the worst 

When the things you were the surest of

Fall apart 

Walk away without turning around 

Burn to the ground 

Don't make a sound 

As you disappear 

In the dark 

Shopping carts in the wild

 My presence leaves a trail 

The flat patch on my lawn 

Shadows cast 

My children laugh

The stains I bled that never cleaned

Ownership is powerful 

My ego is a puppy 

Crawling under shopping carts

Fooling kind strangers with those eyes 

But the truth is 

Shes comfortable

Like a junkie with options 

And I see through her tears 

Change is forboding and 

Most run for the hills 

Hiding in the past

That wraps rocks around their limbs 

And drags them down fast

And keeps them prisoners

Shopping carts lost in the wild 

I dont need an exorcism

There's someone out there

That wants to learn me 

Break down my walls

And call me home 

Even when the roof leaks 

Or the floors creak 

Or the ghosts move things around