40 days and 40 nights

Conversations need to be windows

That peek open 

so curiosity can sneak in 

A friendly intruder in the night

Not a door that slams closed 

when something said hurts 

Like a sudden burn

A hot potato dropped in the sink

A mad dash of cold water over the wound.

Sometimes we need to sit with the pain

And ask it questions. 

Pick its brain,

Understand that feelings are not facts

And a train built upon its tracks,

Will topple over,

Sometimes my fears need to be soothed by your reassurance.

Your take 

Your perspective

I spent so much time holding myself back

To make you feel safe to come forward

That the distance between us

Feels like a power game

I only wanted to be easy to love 

But I made myself so small

there was nothing left of me 

To embrace

I told you once that I finally understood why we need to do healing 

before moving on with someone else.

There's a level of intimacy required for reflection 

that makes it feel 

like we're in a love triangle 

with our trauma. 

And I thought by over explaining 

and being consistent

You'd stop holding up a mirror for me 

and face the one I held up to you 

I wanted to ride this elevator with you

But somehow you got off 

on the wrong floor a long time ago

And some spoiled brat 

pressed all the buttons at once

Sitting on my hands 

while you make dating profiles

25 paces from me

Is one of the hardest things I'll ever do

But control no matter how well intended

is still control

And maybe I need to stop stalling the consequence 

of losing this

In exchange for you finding yourself

Maybe that's the cost

Of loving you

Nurturing, a broken wing

Before setting it free

Maybe getting lost in a crowd

is the only way you'll recognize me.

Maybe a story can have multiple endings.

Maybe what feels like failure is really 

Leveling up one adventure at a time

You said there was only one key 

to open your lock

But maybe there was no lock 

for me to turn

Maybe the cage you're in is self imposed

The house is on fire and you're choosing to burn

Maybe the answers lie in the unknown 

In the difference between 

A rock and a stone