What will I do with your absence?
Will i wear it with grace
Carry it in my bones
Feel it when I dance?
Can I ask you not to leave?
Would you fight for the first time
Or scurry into the night
Despite my cries
clinging to your ankles.
Like shackles.
Like lead
Will you watch me grieve this
Mourning in the mirror
Going through the motions
Like an expert in this field
The Queen of goodbyes.
Only this time, it's real
How do I make peace with something
So absolute
When your absence for me
Has always been a mockery.
A foreign entity
Counterfeit bills hanging from the shower
Chalk outlines where you took my power.
But instead of getting mad,
I consoled you
I held my killer
And gently kissed his head.
Told him you are more than this
Tried to make you sweeter
By sprinkling you with my sugar
But you just ate up everything
And now I live as a skeleton
And even when betrothed to others
I still decorate my house with your vision
In a cape of denial
That makes my body ache.
And it might be more than I can take
But it keeps me tethered
To your weight
I'm too afraid to meet,
Who I am without you
The woman that lives with your absence.
The girl who wears it with grace.
So i keep myself prisoner
In this lost lovers limbo
And dance every night with your ghost
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